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I guess that’s how he trolls

March 30, 2011

I may not have played more than the demo for Dragon Age II, but I’m almost sure that whatever plot the game has stands little chance of trumping the shenanigans that have occurred within the weeks following its release. First we had the SecureROM scare that turned out to not be SecureROM after all, then the Metacritic review “conspiracy”, and now a supposed representative of the “Straight Male Gamer” hell bent on acting in line with a bunch of straw man tropes. With a “privileged” attitude, “no homo” mindset, and feigned discomfort, you can see why I don’t buy the line that the buffoon behind the forum post was a SMG that really wanted BioWare to cater to SMGs more. No, this smartass clearly was hoping such a specious argument would go viral, and it practically has. The Metacritic reviewer might have something to learn from this one.

Not only that, but now a crowd of gays are getting angry that their portrayal in the game is actually more human and less saintly. Amidst cries of “Fire David Gaider!”, it’s looking like a contest of which side can troll more, the “gays” or the “straights”. Given our puritanical, sex-panicked culture, this was predictable, but to go so far in pretending to be able to speak for an entire group and pandering to those that would love to see straight male gamers saddled with unnecessary guilt in the process is a new low. Congratulations, Baltas; you’ve just caused a shitstorm over a matter of relative insignificance and looked like a fool in the process! You know it’s sad when I have to be glad there were no declarations of adhering to Christian morals or of Dragon Age being ruined forever over something so…optional. Looks like our little kicker of hornet’s nests opted for some mercy.

Oh, and while we’re at it, do remember that the romance options in the game are still laughably awkward, and criticizing BioWare on that front would have made more sense, since even if they did make every possible romance option overcompensatingly heterosexual, it would be a moot point if they were still so unconvincing that you’d rather watch ‘2 girls, 1 cup’ than another BioWare game sex scene. By the way, I wonder if either Dragon Age game allows romances between party members, because I really wanted to see *Morrigan ravage ravish Leliana (while Wynne stands ready to heal any inflicted wounds, because Morrigan seems like that kind of woman)…hell, I’d like to make any two characters actually notice one another in some romantic way so that the target of sexual pairing isn’t the player character only. Someone with an EA forums account should suggest that to BioWare too. I don’t want Star Ocean 2 to be the only game I’ve played (and am readily aware of) that allows the player to pair up just about anyone in the group…or for tri-Ace to leave Square Enix before making a proper Star Ocean 5 / Valkyrie Profile 3.

* I haven’t played DA:Origins beyond the Cult of Andraste section, so if it actually exists in game, my bad.  If there’s a mod out there that allows for this, consider leaving a link.

[This post brought to you by a straight male gamer that is more intolerant of crappy gameplay than gay relationships, because as part of the aforementioned group, I demand enough quality gameplay to justify a $60 purchase.]

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